chapter seventeen – through thick and thin part ii

Saturday May 7, 1988 - Huntington Beach

The woman would not take no for an answer. She was persistent!

Allison laughed at her pleas. "Really, Val, I am not lying I'm fine, really," she smiled into the receiver.
"Are ya sure? I mean really? I can come over and we could have some wine and some pizza and some wine."
"Yes really and thanks but I ate already. I think I'm just gonna call it an early night tonight."
"Ally, you call it an early night every night. So for you it would just be night. Just say you're having a night. You don't have to quantify it."
Allison laughed. The girl had a comeback for everything. Val laughed too. It was nice to hear her laugh again. She had been laughing a bit more lately. It was good, she was healing.

"Come on Ally, you can't become a hermit."

"I am not becoming a hermit Val. Sam and I are just relaxing in the backyard, okay."
"Mhm, okay, if you say so. Soooo before I let you off the hook this time, did you call you know who yet?"
She sighed knowing that was the real information Valerie was after. "No Val, I told you already, the Tour just ended yesterday. I want to give him a chance to breathe before I am all up on him with everything."
Val sucked her teeth and did nothing to hide the annoyance in her voice, "Ally you can't just leave it. Do you hear me? You are being foolish." She cleared her throat, "I mean you're pretty and all but come on girl, you need to get back in the game. You have got to call him!"
Allison rolled her eyes, "ah, thanks a lot for the compliment Val."
"I'm just sayin' you have to talk to him."
"And I told you I would and I will."
"Okay... so no wine then?"
"I'll talk to you tomorrow Val."
"All righty Allybaba, talk to you then."
"Night Val."

Allison was lucky that Val didn't just show up and camp out on her doorstep until she promised to go out with her. She had done that before. But she couldn't be mad at her though. She knew Val was just making sure she was okay. And little by little it was getting easier, but she could not even imagine having gone through the last few weeks without Valerie at her side. She was a god send all nicely wrapped and packed in her designer outfits. She loved that girl and she knew that Val loved her too.

After hanging up the phone Allison stayed out for a bit longer. Finishing her last bit of tea she watched the sun slowly sink down behind the horizon. A brilliant array of colours, red, pink and orange, bathed the night sky as the sun finally dropped out of sight.

Yup another perfect sunset.
“Well there we go Sammy, another one bites the dusk!” She laughed out loud at her pun as she moved to return inside. "Let's go in buddy."

Val was right in her assessment. She was healing, she was slowly getting over the pain and loss of her baby. Physically she bared no scars of her miscarriage; nothing remained to show that she had once carried a life inside her. The bleeding had subsided a little over a week after the procedure, her stomach was once again flat and the little blue mark on her nose she so desperately tried to rub off those first few weeks had faded away as if it was never there.  She folded up her deck chair and leaned it again the wall. She rubbed the top of her hand absentmindedly. Some days felt like she could still feel the IV needed there. Still feel the pull of the taut and sticky tape holding it firmly in place, pinching her skin. That damn freaking needle. She just couldn't forget it. That was her mental scar, that scar she still carried. Allison felt as if she had been adjusting very well to the miscarriage, if that's you could call it. She felt she was moving on to understanding, especially since she hadn't told Michael and she knew she would be seeing him soon. After everything she just didn't think she could bring herself to tell him what happened. She still felt guilty for getting pregnant and then worse after she lost the baby. She figured she could deal with it on her own. She had called Mary the day after, making an excuse that she needed to stay in California that she couldn't meet with them until the end of the US leg of the tour. She had also called Michael to give him the same story. Although he was extremely disappointed he said he understood her obligation. Which she knew full well he could identify with, having his own hectic life. She felt badly for turning the tables on him like that, but she didn't feel she had any other choice.

When the doctor asked her if there was someone they could call for her, the name and number she had given was Val's. Valerie was the closest person she could think of and she knew no matter where she was she would come right away. Besides it wasn't like she could give out Michael's name or contact information anyway. Even if Michael knew she was pregnant he wasn't an option she could use and her parents were just too far. They hospital contacted Val on her pager. But not recognizing the number she didn't bother to respond right away until her pager went off again within a half hour. When she finally called the number back she was surprised to hear it was the Hoag Hospital calling. They told her Allison had given her name as an emergency contact and she was waiting for day surgery, could she come to the hospital. That is all they would tell her on the phone and she left right away to get to her.  It took her about an hour to get to the hospital in Newport. She was a little bit up the coast, but luckily not in the middle of town or it would have taken her much longer.

When she arrived, she met with the doctor whose office had called her and who she assumed was Allison's personal physician.

Dr. Sinclair, showed her in to his office, "thank you for coming Ms. Whitworth."
"No problem. Where is Allison, is she okay?"
"Yes she is fine; I just wanted to speak with you before you see her."
"Of course," she nodded. She was beginning to wonder if there was something seriously wrong.
"Were you aware of Allison's pregnancy?"
"Yes, I know that she is."
"Ms. Whitworth, Allison has had a miscarriage. We confirmed it earlier this afternoon."

Val's heart sank, not wanting to believe her ears. "No. Oh my god no, oh Ally. How? Is she okay?"

"She didn't advise of a partner or boyfriend to call, she only asked for you to be contacted."
Val answered quickly, "ah yeah, her boyfriend is out of town on business." Which really was the truth.
"So you will be able to take her home tonight? Maybe stay with her the night to make sure she is okay? Otherwise we will keep her overnight."
"Yes, yes of course I will stay with her, where is she?"
The doctor nodded, "okay, good. She's been admitted; let me find out the room for you."
The doctor turned to leave the room as Val attempted to digest the news just given to her. A few moments later the doctor returned  "she is in room 412. She is scheduled for her procedure in about an hour, so you can go up and see her until then."
"Okay, thank you."

Her hands were shaking. She needed to calm down before seeing Allison. Val stepped outside the back of the hospital to have a cigarette to try and relax her nerves before going upstairs. Jesus, she must be heartbroken with the news. She needed to be strong for her, but this was something Valerie had no experience in.
 Mother frig... she lost the baby...

She finished the first cigarette and lit up another, smoking half before making up her mind to finally head up to the fourth floor.  Off the elevator and just down the corridor she found room 412. The door was closed. She knocked tentatively on the door and stepped inside the doorway. It was a large semi-private room with two beds that could be separated by a thin white curtain for privacy if required.  Both beds were perfectly made and everything looked to be in place. It appeared that no one was occupying the room at this time. The lights were off but there was plenty of light coming in from opened curtained window.  Scanning the room quickly her eyes found exactly the person she was looking for. Sitting by the window on a large brown hospital chair, she was leaning back, her eyes closed, her right hand resting protectively on her stomach. Her other hand rested on the arm rest. An intravenous needle taped to it attached to a drip pole. She was completely still and unmoving. She looked so small.
Valerie shut the door behind her quietly and stepped all the way into the room, "Ally?"
She opened her eyes turning her head towards Val and gave her a firm grim smile. Val did her best to keep her composure as she walked towards her, "how are you sweetie?"
She shook her head, barely moving, 'I am okay I guess. They say I had a miscarriage."
"I know honey, they told me before I came up."

She looked up at the ceiling then to Val, her eyes searched hers. She looked so lost, "I don't know what happen? I don't understand... or if I did something to cause this."

Val came to sit in the other chair a cross from her, "I don't think you can blame yourself for this."
She shrugged, "No. But I guess it makes sense right? I mean it was a mistake to begin with so it only stands to reason that -"
"HEY!" Val snapped louder than she expected. "You stop that right now Allison, that is nonsense you are talking. This is not your fault!"
"I'm just saying that -"
"I know what the hell you are saying and I don't want to hear it Ally. Mistakes happen, just like miscarriages do, and one has nothing to do with the other."
She sighed, "I guess, I just feel like... I just feel like somehow... I dunno how to explain it."
"Sweetie you just found out you lost your baby, you don't have to explain how you feel. You don't even have to talk if you don't want to."
Allison nodded, "I gotta get changed soon anyway." Her words were cold and unemotional, so unlike herself.
"What can I do for you now Ally? Do you need anything?"
"No, I don't think so.  But, just... can you stay here with me until they come?"
"You bet honey and I will be right here when you come back too."
"Okay," she looked out the window again lost in her thoughts. "Oh wait, can you call my neighbour Hillary and ask her to take Sam out? He's been in all day."
"I thought Sam was with your boss’s family?"
"He was, but I picked him up a couple days ago. He is going up to Oakhurst to stay with my parents, Grace is..." her voice trailed off as she gazed out the window again. "The baby is due at the end of the month."
"Oh, right I forgot you told me she was expecting."
Allison nodded again, "yeah."
Val's heart ached for her. Not only had she just lost her own baby but one of her closest friends was about to give birth in the next couple of weeks. The irony of the situation was so unfair.
"Okay honey, why don't you get changed and I will find a payphone to call about Sam. Do you have her number?"
Allison reached for her bag on the floor and pulled out her phone book and passed it to her.
"See you in a few minutes."

Outside the room, down at the end of the hallway Valerie found a phone and called her neighbour, telling her Allison was stuck with a clients. After making the call, Val was sure to take her time returning to the room to give her as much privacy as she needed to get ready. But when she returned to the room she was surprised to see that she was still in the bathroom changing.
She knocked on the bathroom door, "Allison, are you okay in there?"
She heard a soft sob, "Val, I can't, I can do it... I can't get undressed."
"Did you want me to come in?"
"Please," her voice weak and broken.
She entered the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Allison was standing by the sink looking at her feet. She had managed to get her shoes and pants off, but that was all the rest of her clothing remained. Valerie could see right away what the problem was. It was the IV in her hand with the tubing attached to it and then that was attached to the pole and the bag. She could remove her own clothes because of the IV.
"Ally, do you want me to help?"
She shook her head no. She felt helpless, she couldn't even do this. She looked up at Val as slow hot tears started to fall from her eyes. She couldn't even speak.

Valerie didn't wait any longer and didn't say a word to her either. Walking up to her, she lifted her sweatshirt on the right side to pull her arm out and bring it over her head. She pulled the bulky fleece slowly down her left arm, pulling it wide to over her hand not to hit the IV insertion area. She carefully took the saline bag off the pole and laid it on the counter and worked the sweatshirt over the tubing and bag. Concentrated in her task, she turned back to Allison and started to remove her tee shirt with the same process, up and off her right side, up over her head, down her left arm and out and over the needle past the tubing and the bag. Allison's silent tears continued to fall as Valerie continued to undress her. She couldn't even move her own limbs. It was as if she was in shock, unable to move or help herself or assist Val. She barely moved and Val had to help her bend her arms out of the sleeves as she removed her clothing. After discarding her tee, Val unclipped her bra and released her left arm and easily brought the arm opening over her arm and off her and the IV completely then slipped it off her right side. Val reached for her hospital gown and reversed the process bring the bag through the armpit and on to Allison left side and held it open for her to put her arm through.
Val met her eyes, "there, now turn around so I can tie you up."
Valerie and tied the three sets of strings together, "okay you are good to go. You can do the rest?"
Allison swallowed the lump lodged in her throat, "yeah." She sniffed, "thanks Val, thank you for being here."
"No sweat sweetheart."
15 minutes later the orderly came to pick her up, taking her away for her procedure and that was the only time that Valerie cried. She didn't want her to see her upset too but she could not longer hold in her own tears.

A few hours later they were back at Allison's apartment as if nothing had changed. Except everything had changed. It felt like one of those defining moments that you somehow became wiser and older. Like when a job became more than just a paycheque or the sudden and ultimate realization that your mom was right all those years. It was that journey you took in short and long hauls when you moved from young adult to real adulthood. Today was one of those days and there was no need to talk about it. Neither was hungry and they were both exhausted from the drama and the sadness of the day. Once Val  was sure Allison was safe in bed and asleep Val crashed on the couch to rest herself.

She stayed with her for few more days making sure she was okay, more so emotionally than physically. Valerie knew she had called Michael at least once or twice during her short stay, but she never asked her what they spoke about. Val didn't push her and she didn't ask her to talk, she just did what she always did. She was there. She listened, joked, laughed and sometimes cried her way through the situation and she somehow managed to carry Allison through in her time of need.

Closing the sliding glass doors she walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, when she heard the knock at the door.
She shook her head, Val never did give up easy that was for sure.
"Val, I told you I am not going anywhe... " She swung the door open.
"Bill?" She took a step back, "oh my gosh Bill, what are you doing here?"
"Hello Ms. Wolf, you are a sight for sore eyes."
She gave him a genuine smile. It was good to see him too. "Bill it is so good to see you... but what are you doing here?"
"Is anyone here with you Allison?"
She gave him a quizzical look, "ah no, no one. Why?"
Bill stepped back from the door and nodded towards the parking area at the back-end of her building.
Bill gave her a large grin, stepping to the side of the door, "I think someone wants to see you."

"Who ..."  her words stopped stuck in her throat. 

Because then he was there. Dressed in the silliest looking getup she had ever seen, with false teeth, a bushy mustache and sideburns, finished by a NY Yankees baseball cap atop a big afro. She blinked her eyes twice and swallowed almost unbelieving, but there was no mistaking who it was, she knew that neck anywhere, "Michael? Oh my god, what are you doing here?"

Michael stepped in past the door and turned to look at her, "girl datt is da tilliest ting yov've  tevery taid to me. I thame to get my girl."

She smiled and shook her head. She had no idea what he was saying but she didn't care. Oh my gosh, what was he doing here? Bill stepped into the apartment after Michael and closed the door behind him. She stood back and watched in amazement as Michael spoke quietly to Bill by the door.  What they were discussing she had no clue, but she figured it at least had to do with his presence here and  how to keep it quiet or something. Allison almost wanted to cry he look so good standing there even in the crazy outfit. She didn't care he looked amazing and it was only about to get better. As he continued to speak to Bill, Michael began to take off his disguise. First he pulled off the baseball cap he was wearing, followed by the fake teeth. Now when she heard him talk she could at least understand what he was saying. He followed by pulling off the cheesy moustache and then finally the wig and the sideburns, his long silky curls were tied in a ponytail and fell from beneath the wig and he pulled the tie from his hair.

She was grinning from ear to ear, watching him, waiting for him, how long had it been since she had seen him. He looked towards her and smiled biting his lip then back to Bill, "okay Bill, so tomorrow morning as discussed we will be ready."

"Okay Mike," Bill nodded. He looked in Allison's direction, "good night Ally."

"Good night Bill," she replied. Her heart started to speed up realizing Bill was leaving but Michael was staying. She wasn't she if it was nervousness or excitement. Her mind raced a thousand miles ahead, it could only mean one thing. If Bill was leaving, Michael was staying the night. Her breath hiccupped and she swallowed hard she was nervous, really nervous at the realization of what was about to come.

Michael shut the door behind Bill and turned to face her. She looked absolutely beautiful. God he had missed her so much. He couldn't believe they had wasted so much time apart because of their fears. Both of them being afraid to talk to one another. But now he had a plan to set things right to show her how much he really cared about her, how much that he wanted her in his life. That she could trust him implicitly and that he trusted her just as much with everything in his life and the future to come. She looked nervously at him, but she had no reason to be. He was going to show her that it was going to be okay, they would make it through this together. He knew she had something to tell him. She had told him that much. But he wouldn't rush her, she needed to feel safe and unafraid first and he had something to tell her too.

He licked his lips and raised his hand towards her, "Ally come here and give me a proper greeting."

She took the few short steps between them circling her arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist.

"Hmm, now that is much better."

She didn't say a word, she couldn't. She held him tightly inhaling his warm inviting scent. God she had missed his smell. She swallowed deep in her throat she was trembling. Now that he was here, he needed to hear the truth from her, to hear the real truth why she didn't join him on the last few dates of the tour. She knew he was waiting to hear what she had to say and now she knew she couldn't keep it from him. She didn't want to let him go. She wanted to hold onto this moment forever, never moving again in the hopes that things wouldn't change between them after she told him.

She recalled the conversation she had with Valerie a week or so after her miscarriage.

Val looked at her shocked, "what do you mean you didn't tell him?"

"I never told him Val because I was too scared and then after the whole Tatiana kiss thing, I just lost it." She shook her head, "we had a huge argument back at the hotel. I know I caused it but he said some bad things too and then I just left."

"Oh god Allison, that is not good. You have to tell him."

"I know, but now it worse," her throat was constricted. "He will hate me for leaving, he will hate me for not telling him... and now I with the miscarriage I feel as if I ruined everything."

"Girl, you're shaking," Michael whispered in her hair, bringing her back to present.

She sighed, "yeah I am. You surprised me."

"Didn't you think I would come?"

"I was hoping but I didn't know."

He pulled away to search her eyes. He lifted his hand to caress her cheek, "I will always come for you Ally. I love you."

He bent down, placing a lingering kiss on her forehead.

She swallowed, oh god this was going to be so hard, "I love you too."

She took a deep breath, it is now or never... you will never get a better chance and you owe him an explanation.

"I need to tell you something Michael," she took his hand and brought him over to the sofa.

He smiled warmly, "okay but can I talk first?"

She wanted to tell him everything and get it off her chest, but she could see how earnestly he wanted to talk.

"Sure," she smiled.

Michael sat facing her, "First I want to apologize. I am sorry Ally that I didn't talk to you that night in New York. You surprised me with how upset you were and then when you asked me about my skin, so bluntly, so openly that I didn't know what to day. So I did what I always do. I walked away."

"I understand, I am sorry, I should have never said what I did."

"No, you have every right to ask me what you did, I am just not good at talking about it. But I want to tell you now if you want to know. I want to tell you everything."

She nodded knowing that this was a big step for him, "okay." She gave him her full attention.

"Okay, so first, I have a condition known as discoid lupus. It is an autoimmune disease, which essentially means my body attacks its own cells."

"Lupus, I have heard of that," she interjected.

He nodded, "okay that is good. Now the kind of lupus I have it causes rashes, known as Malar Butterfly Rash and skin lesions. I use to get the rash all the time." Michael paused almost wincing as if remembering the rashes, "but now... now I don't get it as often or as severe, but I get the lesions from time to time."

"Okay." She kept her voice steady.

"The skin condition, the one you have seen on my stomach and chest. This is the one that is causing me to lose my pigmentation. This one is called Vitiligo. It is also an autoimmune disease."

"So your own body is destroying your skin cells?" She had to ask to make sure she understood what he was explaining.

"That's right and eventually it could affect my entire body."

Her eyes opened wide. "Everywhere?" she whispered.

Michael looked down at his hands, "yes."

She reached for his hands, "I'm sorry Michael."

He kept looking at his hands, now covered by hers, "I have medications, but there is no cure, only treatments to slow it down or even out my skin tone... but eventually..." his words trailed off and he went quiet. 

"That is why I have to stay out of the sun. The medication makes me more sensitive to sunlight. And why I always wear long sleeves. I have to protect my skin."

She squeezed his hands, "of course you do."

He turned his hand over to bring her palm into his hand, "I didn't tell you sooner because I was afraid what you would think."

She brushed her finger tips along the palm of his hand, "I am glad you told me now." She wanted to say more, but she didn't even know where to start except with acceptance of what he had shared. And now that it was out in the open she could ask questions when they arose.

They sat quietly for a few moments, it was her turn and she was terrified. But she knew she had to be honest with him and give him the whole truth. She took a deep breath and released it slowly.

"Umm, before I say anything, can you just promise me you won't say anything until I am finished?"

"Okay, but why can't - "

"Michael, please just promise me."

"I promise."

She didn't even know where to start, so she figured at the beginning when she found out would be best.

"Okay, Michael remember in New York, our third or fourth day there..." her voice was shaking "...umm the day of the Grammy's?"

He gave her an amused smile, "am I allowed to answer that?"

She smiled, "Michael."

He chuckled "what you said I couldn't talk."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm being serious this is really hard."

"Sorry, continue. Yes, I remember."

"And I got sick, right," she swallowed nervously. "Well after you left the suite, I went to get something to settle my stomach."

She pulled her hands away from his and stood up and walked towards the fire place, "so when I did that I found out something was wrong... sorry it was not wrong, it was not right... not right in the way it should be. So I counted and it didn't add up."

Michael had no idea what she was talking about, she was talking in circles and making no sense.

"Girl, what are you saying?" He patted the spot she had just vacated, "come and sit with me."

She looked at him hesitantly.

She released a shaky breath and sat beside him, "oh my god... Michael please don't hate me okay, promise me you won't hate me."

"I won't hate you, but what is it?"

She closed her eyes, "I got pregnant." She looked at him quickly his brown eyes were fixed on her.

She spoke again quickly before he could say anything, "then I got scared, coz..." her voice broke. "Coz I realised I somehow mixed up days and forgot to take my birth control pills in Florida."  She closed her eyes but to no avail a single tear seeped through, "and I was scared coz I know it is my fault for forgetting and I thought you were gonna be mad and I was so afraid and then Tatiana kissed you and then we argued and I didn’t know - "

"Ally," he interrupted her. His voice was calm but firm, "how did you forget?"

She sniffed, "I dunno, honestly. I always keep them in my purse, but when I found them they were not there and I don't know how they got there."

He nodded, "and that is why you left? You thought I would be mad?"

"Yes," she admitted freely. "But I was also confused after we argued... confused about us and what this would mean."

"So when you found out you - "

"Michael wait, please I am not finished."

"Sorry, go ahead."

She continued on, as best she could her voice breaking at times as she tried to hold back her tears. She told him how when she woke up and he wasn’t there that and she took it as sign that she should leave and figure out how they could be together.  She explained how she ended up at her parents place, spending time there and with them coming to terms with her pregnancy. That her parents knew and told her she needed to tell him and she knew they were right. How she had come home determined and ready to tell, ready to share her news with him but it wasn't t meant to be. The entire time she spoke Samson was right there beside her. Just like he had been every minute of every day since the day she came home from the hospital. No matter where she went or what she was doing, he was there. She called him her fuzzy nurse, making her feel better just by his unwavering faithful presence. But nothing, not even Sam’s unconditional love, could make her feel better now.  Michael eyes were still fixed intently on her and she finally met his gaze. She wiped at the tears that now fell freely, "I lost the baby," she whispered.

He look at her almost confused by her words, "what do you mean?"

She swallowed, “the doctor said somewhere in the week before I was to meet you the baby stopped growing.” It was the only way she could say it without actually saying it.

Michael dropped his head into his hands trying to take all this in. He didn't know if he was more mad or sad. She was pregnant with his child and she never told him. How could she run away and not tell him she was pregnant?  She knew how much he loved children. He wanted children. He tried to think of what he had said to her to make her want to leave and not tell him. He had walked away, yes - maybe she thought he wouldn't want to deal with it. But he would have, she should have given him that chance. But he didn't give her a chance either to talk when he waited for her to fall asleep. And now she had lost the baby before he even knew. She must have been so scared to have been by herself. There was no point in being mad at her now, they had both been wrong and now they needed to make it right.

He lifted his head and turned towards her, "Ally, I wish you had of told me, but I know sometimes I don't make that easy. I never want you to think you can't tell me anything. But you should of told me this."

"I'm so sorry Michael," she choked out between her frightened sobs. "I am so sorry for losing our baby."

She was breaking his heart. She looked so sad and helpless. He pulled her into his arms. "Shhh, babe, don't cry, please don't cry gurl," Michael pleaded softly. "It's not your fault."

She was shaking again, her whole body trembling in his arms as she cried into his chest. He cupped the back of her head and kissed the top of her head gently as she cried all the tears she had held back.

"It's okay Ally, it'll be okay girl," he promised as his own tears fell silently with hers.

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Sunday May 8, 1988 - Huntington Beach

When she awoke the next morning it was still a bit dark and Michael wasn’t in bed. Her heart leapt into her throat at the thought that he might have left her again maybe this time for good. So mad at the fact she had deceived him, but too sweet to leave her alone last night. She didn’t know for how long they stayed on the sofa but he held her until she finally stopped crying. Finally soothing her and taking her hand to go to bed. 

When he said lets go to bed, her stomach clenched, she thought he was going to make love to her. It had been so long since they had been together. She was terrified. She didn't think she was ready, if they were ready. But that wasn't what he was thinking. Instead he led her to her bedroom and tenderly helped her undress and redress in her night tee and shorts, his eyes never once leaving her face. Once undressed himself, he took her hand in his and brought her to bed to lie against him, spooning her with his arm wrapped around her side, hands intertwined. There was absolutely nothing sexual about it, but it had to be the sweetest intimately passionate experience she had ever had. She wanted to cry when he pulled the covers back to cover them, pulling her hair away from her neck to kiss her lightly on the shoulder, and said let me sleep with you.

But now he was nowhere to be seen, she swallowed afraid she had ruined everything.

“Michael,” she called out listening. Nothing.

She pulled the covers back and got out bed. She yawned as she pulled on her wrap. She was surprised to see Samson wasn’t at her side of the bed.

Okay that is really strange...no Michael, no dog...where were they?

She walked down the hallway towards her living room, “Michael?”

“Over here,” he responded.

She turned to see him by her draft table looking at some of her favourite pictures on her memory wall.

He pointed to the picture on the darkroom door “is this you?”

She circled her arms around her waist as she walked towards him,  “yeah, Val took that in University our first year. It was one of my first times in a darkroom.”

"You look young."

"Yeah, it feels like a million years ago."

He smiled and turned to place a soft kiss on her cheek, "good morning sleepy head. Did you sleep okay?"

"Mmmorning," she yawned slightly still trying to wake up. "Yeah, I did. What time is it?”

"It still early, but I'm glad you're up. I wanna take you somewhere today."

"Where are we gonna go? You can’t go anywhere around here you will be -"

"It is not right here, it is kind of a surprise," he smiled. "Bill will be here soon, so you should get dressed."

She looked at him warily "ah, Michael the last time you had a surprise for me you took hundreds of feet in the air in a  little tiny wicker basket."

He started to walk back towards the living area, “yes, and may I remind you, you loved it remember?”

She rolled her eyes shaking her head as she followed him, “yes, I remember.”

"Umm Michael, where is my dog, where’s Samson?

“He’s in the kitchen eating. I gave him some food before you got up.”

She looked at him her eyes wide, “you gave my dog food?”

“Yeah, why you lookin’ at me like that for?”

She smiled, “I guess I am just surprised that’s all."

"Girl I’ve had dogs before. I know how to take care of animals, he was hungry."

She held her hands up laughing, "oh excuse me Dr. Dolittle, I didn't mean to offend you." She turned to go to go to the kitchen, "but I should take him out before we go anywhere.”

"He's already been out, besides he can come with us."

She stopped dead in her tracks, "Michael... you took him out?  Are you crazy you could have been seen."

He had a satisfied grin on his face. "I wore my disguise." He said it as if he really believed his costume worked. "Besides it was early no one was out."

"I just think you should be more careful."

"And I think you should get dressed unless you want to give Bill a heart attack when he shows up and you're still wearing this short little robe."

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They had been driving for almost 3 hours and Allison still didn't know where they were going or when they would get there. She had asked him several times, but of course with Michael being Michael he wasn't giving up any details. For the most part he sat quietly in the behind the driver’s side holding her hand. Occasionally he would sing some old tune or lean forward to talk to Bill about the drive or to Samson who was seated in the rear of the SUV. Bill had arrived not too long after Michael warned to her to get dressed. He arrived driving a slick shiny red GMC Jimmy SUV.  She wouldn't have ever known it was Bill, except that Michael had told her to look outside at his new truck.

"That's your truck?" She had asked, to be sure. It was the most unlikely vehicle she could ever imagine Michael in. It was more along the lines something her father would drive to work at the park.

Exiting the Interstate they started going NW up two lane State Hwy towards the still unknown destination. It was Sunday and the road was quiet with hardly any other traffic. They had just left the outskirts of Santa Barbara and the road sign they had just passed a few minutes ago said 20 miles to Santa Ynez. For the most part Allison had been content to sit and enjoy the scenery. They were surrounded by mountain ranges and wide open vistas’ making the drive exquisite. And when not immersed in phenomenal views her mind contemplated the events of the last 18 hours. So much had happened and it was even noon yet but now she was getting antsy. Where was he taking her and why was it a secret?

She cleared her throat and sat forward to look at him, "Michael where are we going?"

He turned to face her, "I told you it’s a surprise."

"I know you told me that, but we have been driving forever."

He raised his eyebrows amused, "well I guess you will have to wait a bit longer."

Pulling her hand from his she folded her arms across her chest and sank back in against the leather seat, "UGH! Michael no fair, I don’t like surprises."

Michael chuckled ignoring her sulky pout, "I think you mentioned that before." He leaned forward to say something to Bill then sat back to look at her smiling, “girl c’mere and sit close to me, you’ll like it I promise.” He held his arm out so she could slide in beside him.

She wanted to sulk and pretend she was mad, but she couldn’t when he looked at her like that. She still couldn’t believe he had come all the way to her. They would still need to work through some things, but right now she was satisfied with just being together. She scooted over to sit next to him, tucking her head under his chin. Michael closed his arm around her running his hand down her arm. He kissed the crown of head, “It won’t be long now. We’re almost there.”

She snuggled closer, tilting her head to kiss him under his chin, “mmhhmm no hurry now. I like it here too.”

They drove in silence for about another 15 minutes with Allison enjoying her new found spot when she felt Michael rub her arm again, “Ally take a look at this town.” She pulled away to sit up just in time to see the city limits sign of Los Olivos, population 1000 as Bill slowed the SUV, turning right off the 154 onto Alamo PIntado Avenue towards the downtown area.

The first thing she noticed was in the town was the Victorian architecture and old fashion wooden shops. It was small town USA. It was beautiful, filled with a diverse mix of restaurants, tasting rooms and shops. She leaned over him looking out his window, “what a quaint little town this is.”

They continued along the road until they reached the intersection at Grand Avenue. Allison presumed it to be the town centre, as it was marked by a large flag pole in the centre of the road.  They turned right onto Grand and continued on passing more shops and galleries towards the end of the town.

“Are we not stopping here?”

“Just a little bit farther.”

Grand turned into Figueroa Mountain Road. They continued on winding along past the farms and ranches. Finally they came upon a set of brown ranch style gates that opened up once Bill identified them. They drove a bit farther along the inner road to the left then turned right along a row of trees. She could literally feel the excitement coming off of him. As soon as the car stopped Michael was opening his door and grabbing her hand, “come on girl we’re here.”

She laughed, as he pulled on her arm, he really was excited, “okay, okay let me get outta the car first.”

He released her hand and she could hear Bill chuckling as he stepped out of the front of the SUV.

When she stepped out of the car she saw Michael standing up a path surrounded by flowerbeds of red and yellow flowers. He was smiling beneath his fedora and he had his arms stretched out wide on either side of him he was singing something she couldn’t quite understand. Then he turned around twice and walked up towards the front steps.

Allison giggled, unable to suppress her smile. He looked adorable and so happy. She looked towards Bill tipping her head towards the house, “you coming?”

Bill was laughing too “no, I think he wants to show you around.”

She walked up the path towards the Tudor-style house that was very much like the Jackson home in Encino, except this place was massive. He was waiting for on the steps to the front entrance that looked to be open.

She smiled when she reached him “hey, what were you singing out there?”

He smiled sweetly and sang it again, “Dancing on a cloud...soaring up so high. Watch me now...watch me fly! I'm Peter Pan! I can do anything. I soar so high! I am forever!"

She was almost speechless. She had never seen him or anybody for that matter look so unbelievably happy. He was literally glowing. There was obviously something about being here that made his heart lighter and his spirit fly. He truly was dancing on a cloud.

She leaned up, placing her hands on his shoulders kissing his cheek, “Michael that is so sweet.”

He gave her another smile taking off her fedora, “come on Ally, let me show you around.”

Taking her hand he walked her in the entrance and through the massive ranch style home. The rooms were furnished with heavy oak and leather furnishings, beautiful Persian rugs, weaved tapestry and  18th century antiques.  There was lots of wood beams and brick and almost every room had a fireplace and large brass candelabra chandlers hanging from large beams. To the right of the entrance there was a large ranch style staircase, with large chunky spindles in heavy oak. The floor was a shiny tile and covered in Mexican-styled patterned rugs and large decorative vases were filled with flowers and plants. Leaving the main foyer Michael walked her through a large dining room that was off to the left of the entrance into the kitchen. The kitchen was massive and designed in oak, brick and copper. There were 2 islands in the kitchen that were decorated with butcher block and decorated porcelain tile with a blue design. It had  lots of natural light coming from the from the large  multi-pane windows and the leaded-glass skylights from above. It had a long bar style eating area with 8 stool chairs and 2 two walk in pantries and several ranges and ovens for cooking. Down the other side there was also a large round table in the corner near a fireplace facing another larger window.

They left the kitchen stepping down into the large living room area with overstuffed leather chairs and sofas and ornamental rugs scatted on the wide planked oak floor. There was a large grand piano at the opposite doorway that led back out into the main hall they had just entered. She could also see the dining room they had just walked through. There were large oil paintings on the walls and a collection of trinkets and collectables sitting on tables and ledges everywhere. Whoever's house this was certainly had a lot of money. As they stepped back into the main entrance, he asked her what she thought so far.

"Michael, this place is gorgeous," she said as he continued to tour her through the main level.

Next Michael led her to a library that was on the other side of foyer. It was filled to the rafters with books and had oak ceiling and walls. This room was furnished in circa 1800 English Style furnishings with thick wool and Persian  rugs on the floors. Above the fireplace, two paintings of English coaching scenes hung on the wall between a pair of bronze horses. Michael also told her that the room had a hidden movie screen that could be lowered from the ceiling.  Allison felt as if she had walked into a fairytale. Not only was the house stunning beyond her imagination, but each room had large traditional English lattice-style windows and double-door walkouts to the outside. The grounds on the property were spectacular and she could see they were surrounded by mountains. He could have taken here anywhere in the world today and nothing could have been more beautiful on a sunny Sunday afternoon than where they were.  Leaving the library they walked down another hall at the opposite end of the house to the main master bedroom. Again the room was dominated by wood tones and had a large fireplace at the back with white and blue tiles. There were two large bathrooms that ran parallel to each other. One was a gentlemen's bath accented with brass candlesticks and fixtures, a long marble counter and an antique stool. The other bath looked to be the master bath with a Jacuzzi bathtub surrounded by windows and a stoned in privacy fence outside. This place was unbelievable. She obediently followed him feeling as if she had somehow been transported to another time and place.

For another full hour they walked though the home together sometimes in silence and sometimes with Michael pointing out antiques or engravings in the wood that identified the home as Sycamore Valley Ranch. The toured the 3 large bedrooms upstairs as well as what appeared to be a more secluded bedroom over the large master bedroom downstairs. Finally they arrived back downstairs by set of private steps and returned to the library. Allison stood at the back of room in front of the open doors and closed her eyes, inhaling the spring grass on the breeze. Opening her eyes she scanned the well manicured lawns of the property and the mountain ranges of Santa Ynez. It was so serene here.

Michael watched her as she appeared at peace here as much as he did. He had been watching her the entire time since they arrived, trying to gage how she felt about the place. He knew she would love it here, but he was still nervous.  This was a big step for both of them and things had gotten a bit more complicated. He hadn't planned on her being pregnant and losing a baby, but he hoped she felt as ready as he did. He walked up behind her wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. She automatically she leaned her body back into him. This felt perfect.

She turned her head to touch her cheek to his face, "this place is amazing Michael."

"You like it?"

“Yeah, I do. I love it. It reminds me of my parent’s place, except this place is like 20 times the size! Who lives here?"

He chuckled softly into her neck, "no one at the moment."

 She pulled slightly away to look at him, "what do you mean? This place is fully furnished. Someone must live here."

"Well not today or tomorrow, but soon someone will."

"Michael, what are you talking about?"

"it's mine," he said quietly.

"What?"

He had a satisfied look on his face as he nodded, "the paperwork was just finalized a couple of weeks ago. This is all mine."

"Oh wow Michael, that is, so great. It is so beautiful, are you thinking of moving your family here?”

Michael shook his head, “No, I think it is time for me to be on my own.”

She nodded, “yeah, you’re right that makes sense. What made you decide to buy this place?"

He walked passed her to look out the open doors, "well girl, first and foremost it is private and it has lots of land." He nodded and turned back to look at her as he continued, "I wanna have a zoo and build an amusement park for children and the scenery is beautiful and it is so peaceful. I want to make this my own personal hideaway."

"I couldn’t agree more Michael. It sounds perfect. I think you will be very happy here."

“I think so too... but,” he bowed his head and looked out toward the front area. For the first time today his posture didn't seem as joyous or confident as it has been all day.

“But what Michael," she stepped up beside him. "it’s amazing and that little town was so pretty. You couldn’t ask for anything better.”

“I think I can” he whispered a slight smile on his lips.

She shook her head thinking he was being ridiculous, “what?”

“If you come here with me.”

"You mean come to visit?  I will for sure as much as you will have me. Of course we would have to plan, it is so far and all but -"

He turned to look at her, "no Ally, I want you here with me to stay with me, not some of the time, all of the time." His voice deepened as he accentuated the word all.

She turned to face him, her eyes started to water as she realized what he was saying, “oh...” she swallowed the lump in her throat but she kept his gaze. She smiled a crooked grin. Still not sure of his words she stumbled over her question, “umm Michael, are you... are you asking me to move in with you here?”

His warm brown eyes melted her, “I love you Ally. I want to be with you all the time. This is what I have been planning. This place is not only for me, it's for us.”

She didn't speak, almost frozen by what he was saying. She couldn't believe this was really happening, the fairytale was becoming reality.

Michael reached down and took her hands in his, "I bought the place in February and everything has been finalized now. When this tour ends, this is going to be my dream home, and I want to share that with you."

She finally looked away to the floor, as the emotion of the moment swept over her. After everything that happened he was thinking of her, before it even happened he was thinking of being with her and planning a private life with her. Maybe he could ask for some more but she couldn't think of anything else that would make her happier.  Her breath hitched.

His voice was sweet and soothing as his hands held hers tightly, "I know it is overwhelming with everything that has happened between us, but... do you want that Allison... do you -"
She was smiling shaking her head at his own lack of awareness of how she felt about him. She lifted her head smiling, "oh my god... are you crazy?" She threw her arms around his neck, “yes Michael yes, yes YES!”